“Congratulations on winning a big one – and it sounded like a big one. Anytime you win one you cannot win, you have gotten a big one…”
Dear Adam:
I enjoyed very much your “story” about the story. Congratulations on winning a big one and it sounded like a big one. Any time you win one you cannot win, you have gotten a big one. I might have stayed in trial work had all my cases been cases I was not expected to win: unfortunately. I was expected to win most of them and that created tensions leading to ulcers.
The Order of the Water Buffalo “story” is set forth below. It is copyrighted or would be if I understood intellectual property law.
THE WATER BUFFALO AWARD
GIVES INTERMITTENTLY IN ACCORDANCE WITH THE RULES AND REGULATIONS ESTABLISHED BY THE ORDER OF WATER BUFFALO, AS PROMULGATED BY HIS HOLY IMMINENSE THE OMNI POTENT OF WATER BUFFALO.
ARISTOTLE THE PECULIAR
RECEIPT OF THIS MOST EXTRAORDINARY AWARD ENTITLES THE HOLDER TO ALL OF THE RIGHTS AND EMOLUMENTS OF THE ORDER INCLUDING A LIFE TIME MEMBERSHIP AND PASSED TO THE BURNET PARK ZOO. RECIPIENTS SHOULD DISPLAY THE AWARD AT THE TIME THEY SEEK ENTRANCE TO THE ZOO, AND PAY SUCH FEE AS IS REQUIRED BY THE GATEKEEPER.
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UNFORTUNATELLY THE OFFICIAL REPRESENTATIVE OF THE ORDER, ARISTOTLE THE PECULIAR’S BRIDE-TO-BE WILHAMENA, THE GRACEFUL VIRGIN COULD NOT BE PRESENT THIS MORNING TO GIVE THE AWARD IN PERSON. WORD HAS BEEN THAT WHILE SHE HAS BEEING STAYING OVERNIGHT IN THE ERIE COUNTY ZOO, THAT SHE WAS MOLESTED AND IS UNABLE TO CONTINUE HER TRIP.
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THE PERSON WHO RECEIVES THE WATER BUFFALO AWARD WITH HIGHEST HONORS, IN ADDITION TO THE HANDSOME CERTIFICATE SUITABLE FOR FRAMING OR DISPOSAL IN THE NEAREST WASTE BASKET, RECEIVES AN EXPENSIVE HAND FASHIONED STATUTE – A REPLICA OF AN OFFSPRING BORN OF AN UNNATURAL RELATIONSHIP OCCURING – OR AT LEAST MENTIONED – FREQUENTIN IN THIS CLASS.
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UNFAIRNESS-NEVER:
AS YOU HEAR THE NAMES CALLED, SOME OF YOU NOT CHOSEN FOR THIS SIGNAL HONOR MAY BELIEVE THAT THERE HAS BEEN A MISTAKE – OR THAT IT IS UNFAIR THAT ANOTHER PERSON HAS BEEN SELECTED IN STEAD OF YOURSELF, LET ME SAY THIS ABOUT THAT: THE WATER BUFFALO IS NEVER MISTAKEN – CORRUPT PERHAPS, BUT NOT MISTAKEN.
ONE FINAL COMMENT WE HAVE HOPED TO BE ABLE TO HAVE THE WINNERS PHOTOGRAPHED WITH THE PRESENTER WILHAMENA, THE GRACEFUL VIRGIN. HOWEVER, BECAUSE OF THE UNFORTUNATE INCIDENT AT ERIE COUNTY ZOO THIS CANNOT OCCUR. MISS WILHAMENA, HOWEVER, HAS GRACIOUSLY INSISTED THAT THE SUBSTITUTE BE A LIVE PHOTOGRAPH. ONE THAT MODERN TECHNOLOGY HAS PERMITED US TO ACHIEVE. UNKNOWN TO YOU EACH WINNER WAS PREVIOUSLY SECRETLY PHOTOGRAPOHED. THAT PHOTOGRAPH WAS FAXED TO THE ERIE COUNTY ZOO AND THERE BY COPLICATED PROCESS THAT ONLY A LAWYER WHO UNDERSTANDS THE DAUBERT/FRIE RULE WOULD BE ABLE TO FOLLOW. MS. WILHAMENA’S PICTURE WAS COPIED ONTO THE PRINT AND FAXED BACK TO US JUST THIS MORNING.
You’re welcome.